REFLECTING ON MY TIME IN NEW YORK SO FAR

I know I’m only in New York part time, and that I haven’t even been doing the back-and-forth thing for a whole year yet, but I already feel like being in this city has totally changed my life. Last weekend I was reflecting back on how I felt before I made the decision to leave Dallas, and how I feel today, and the contrast is striking. In all honesty, I think I was depressed the last couple of years I was living in Dallas. I never saw myself living there forever, and as more and more of my friends moved into the marriage + childrearing stages of life, I felt more pressure to do the same without actually having any desire to do so. With everyone’s busy schedules with work, marriage and now kids in the mix, I saw my friends few and far between – it got to the point where I was relying on having just one or two social interactions a week with people outside of my house. And because those plans were becoming more rare, I put so much pressure on them to happen that when something got canceled or rescheduled it would send me over the edge! I recognize now that this was absolutely a me problem, but at the time I was just so starved for a social life that it gave me overwhelming anxiety. Also this goes without saying, my friends in Dallas are the best!! But being single in that city was becoming unbearable – I only had a few other single friends, and we always ended up at the same places every single weekend. It was just getting so monotonous, on top of feeling like I didn’t have much to do in the first place.

It got to the point where I felt so bored and lonely I called my mom crying on multiple occasions – and this is coming from someone who has always taken pride in her independence and values her alone time. I’m definitely an extrovert and love being around + meeting new people, but I also cherish my alone time and need it to recharge. It took me so long to see that I desperately needed a change, but that five week long New York visit last fall set in stone what I had been craving. My original plan was to split my time between Austin and New York, which is what I’ve been doing since December – but the more time I spend in New York the more I am certain that is where I need to be. To many, New York is probably chaotic and stressful, but truthfully I’ve felt more at peace here than I have felt anywhere in a long time. Sure, the social scene is buzzing, my calendar is full and it’s impossible to be bored here, but this city just feels like home! The energy in this city has revived me in a way I could never have dreamed of. I’m inspired just walking down my block in the West Village. There are countless opportunities to try something you’ve never done before, meet new people and explore different areas. You can be unapologetically yourself and nobody gives a fuck – it’s an incredibly freeing realization. In many ways, New York is a challenging city to live in – it’s expensive, it’s crowded and loud, and everyday errands are certainly more difficult without a car… but I think that’s part of the reason why I dig it? It reminds me that I’m alive and not just going through the motions like I was back in Dallas. 

All of that to say, I feel so much happier now compared to how I was feeling about this time last year. I’m booked and busy, I’m energized and stimulated, curious and inspired. I needed a lifestyle overhaul, and that’s exactly what I got! Even though I’ve been kicking myself for waiting so long to make this move, I keep seeing reminders that you’re never too old and it’s never too late. Better late than never, eh? All of that to say, I’m so so grateful I finally took the plunge – it has shifted my energy and outlook on my life in a way I never expected. I don’t know what the future holds, but it sure is looking bright!

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